Chat With Konoha 13!
by snowflakesinkonoha
Summary: Naruto along with the rest of the shinobi of the Konoha 13 decide to make a show where they discuss funny, weird, awkward, or even wonderful events that have happened to them.
1. Chapter 1

(The camera is turned on, and is turned to face a slacking blonde-haired boy sleeping and drooling over a table. A microphone creates a loud, ear-splitting static and someone clears their throat, waking the boy up from his slumber)

Naruto: (laughs nervously) Uh, sorry about that, guys.

Sakura:... Naruto, you idiot, the camera's already on! Everything is being recorded!

Ino: Eek, I hope my hair's okay!

Naruto: (looks around the room frantically, confused) Uh, what, what's going on? Where am I? What? Oh... right, we're supposed to be doing the show today...

Sakura: (fuming) Yeah, and if you hadn't been getting your drool everywhere, maybe people would actually finally think something of you! Now pull yourself together, we're live, knucklehead!

Kakashi: (nervously) Ha, maybe we ought to just all calm down and take this nice and slow-

Sakura: (clenches fists angrily) Who cares about nice and slow, I'll pound Naruto to the ground right now if he doesn't get his act together!

Naruto: Yaaah! Okay, okay, I'm up! Sheesh, a "good morning" would be nice, Sakura.

Kakashi: Uh, Naruto, it's noon.

Sakura: Read the clock, idiot!

Ino: Can we just get started already?! Billboard Brow, stop yelling, you're making our ears bleed!

Sakura: Yeah, well it's not as bad as when you try singing-

Ino: (face turns red in anger) You better watch your mouth, Forehead!

(Sai breaks up the two girls, smiling reassuringly at them, being the creep he always is)

Sai: Hey, hey, I read the way to calm down two insecure teenage girls is to tell them they are perfect just the way they are, even if they are as ugly as a toad's balls.

Ino &amp; Sakura: (faces red with steam coming out of their ears) OH NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!

(Ino and Sakura both punch Sai and send him flying through the walls) 

Naruto: Uh, I'll just go ahead and start the show now... So good afternoon, Konoha! We are live on Chat With Konoha 13, featuring _me_, Naruto Uzumaki! I bet this is the time of the day you've all been waiting for, huh folks?! Well, now's your chance to learn some background about your future great Hokage (points to himself) and-

(Sakura angrily storms up to Naruto and bangs him on the head with the microphone) 

Sakura: This show isn't about a loser like you, Naruto, so get on with it! 

Naruto: Okay, fine, I'm sorry! Well, moving on from _that_ rude interruption, let's introduce the cast of the show! Introducing...

(Someone makes a drum roll in the background)

Naruto: Sakura Haruno! She will be the co-host of Chat With Konoha 13! Next... Sasuke Uchiha! He is the second co-host of Chat With Konoha 13! Next, Kakashi Hatake! He will be the supervisor of Chat With Konoha 13!

Kakashi: (beams proudly at the camera) Yes, mostly to make sure that Sakura doesn't injure Naruto enough to send him to the hospital.

Sasuke: Hn, so you're like the nurse.

Kakashi: No, not at all!

Naruto: Yes, of course, Kakashi is a very important member of our crew! There's always gotta be somebody to slap on band-aids and kiss those boo-boos!

Kakashi: Ah! This isn't what I signed up for, Naruto!

Naruto: And if you catch Kakashi Sensei reading Juriya Sensei's Make Out Series books in the middle of the show, don't worry, he's only a little bit of a closet pervert!

Kakashi: Hey, Naruto, you're embarrassing me! The Make Out Series is a legend that describes the heroic tales of-

Naruto: Yeah, no one cares, so moving on! Anyway, introducing Team 8: Hinata Hyuga, Kiba Inuzuka, and Shino Aburame! Kiba will be doing tricks every Friday with his dog- oh, yeah, how could I forget, there's a fourth member to Team 8; Akamaru!

Kiba: (glares at Naruto) Naruto, you'll pay for that, you jerk!

Akamaru: Whoof!

Naruto: Jeez, does everyone in this room hate me?!

Hinata: No, Naruto... I- I don't hate you...

Naruto: (smiles) Yeah, thanks, Hinata!

(Hinata stands there, blushing like a fool, while Kiba nudges her teasingly and wiggles his eyebrows)

Sakura: Aw, that's so cute... get a room!

Sasuke: Naruto, I think I'll take over now.

(Sasuke snatches away the microphone from Naruto, his cool, relaxed face a great comparison to Naruto's annoyed one) 

Sasuke: Moving on, now introducing Team 11: Ino Yamanaka, Choji Akimichi, and Shikamaru Nara. Ino is the makeup artist for the crew, Shikamaru's the director, and Choji is in charge of the food, that is, if he doesn't eat it all himself.

Choji: Hey, you trying to call me fat! Go ahead, say it, I _dare_ you!

Sasuke: Hn. Next, Team Guy, starring Rock Lee-

Lee: (pumps fist in air enthusiastically) Yes, that's me!

Guy: Yes, Lee, show them your power of Youth!

Sakura: Shh, Sasuke's talking!

Naruto: (narrows eyes) Hey, you didn't say that when everyone is interrupting me! And _you_ were actually the one doing the interrupting half the time! No fair!

Sasuke: Hn. Stop being so immature, Naruto. Anyway, the other two members of Team Guy are Neji Hyuga and Tenten, who will be performing weapon juggling on every Wednesday.

Lee: Yes, I'm proud of you, Tenten! Show them what you can really do!

Tenten: Aye, aye, what did I get myself into?

Guy: Don't fret, my student. For the power of Youth shall guide you and you will shine and blossom like a beautiful flower in the springtime of Youth...!

(Guy and Lee tear up and start passionately sobbing about the power of Youth!)

Sakura: Uh... maybe they should be the ones getting a room.

Sasuke and Neji: Hn.

Sakura: Alright, _I'll_ wake over now.

Ino: (sarcastically) Yeah, sure, because shoving your big forehead in front of the camera is a great way to end the show, Billboard Brow.

Sakura: Hey, Ino Pig, go eat dirt! (giggles nervously at the camera) Oh, you guys saw all that? Hehe, maybe it'd be best if Naruto were to end the show...

Naruto: Alright, I got this! Okay, citizens of Konoha, now that you've been introduced to all the teams of the Konoha 13, it's time for you to meet the fourth member of our team, Team 7... the perverted, anti-social jerk, Sai!

Ino: (dreamily) Oh, Sai, you're so cool! Rock it! They must have saved the best for last!

Naruto: Yes, and on every Tuesday, Sai will be doing art shows, featuring his jutsus as well! I mean, they really aren't all that great, but...

Sai: (smiles) Yes, but being able to draw is better than being a loud-mouthed brute like you who doesn't have the balls to come fight me like a man.

Naruto: (enraged) Why, you-!

(Sakura grabs a hold of Naruto, her monster strength struggling to keep a wild Naruto at bay. Sasuke then socks Naruto in the guts and Naruto passes out)

Sakura: (laughs embarrassedly) Yeah, well, that's all for today...

Tenten: But before we go, there's still one more announcement to make!

(... crickets chirp in the background)  
Tenten: Neji, go on, say it!

Neji: (irritated) Do I have to do this?

Tenten: Yes, you fool, now go!

Neji: (grumbles) Fine. But this is only a one-time thing. This shall never happen again.

Choji: But Neji, you volunteered to be a part of this show! 

Neji: Yes, but only to protect Hinata from that cow, Naruto! There's no telling what he'll do if he gets alone with her!

(Hinata goes beet red in the face and faints into Kiba, who catches her just in time before she falls to the ground)

Kiba: Aw, great! Way to go, Neji, you made Hinata faint!

Neji: Hinata, is she okay?

Tenten: Just do your announcement already!

Neji: Okay, fine.

(Neji starts to intensely stare at the camera, before beginning to speak) 

Tenten: Geez, you'd think he has some sort of grudge against that poor camera.

Neji: The shinobi from the village Hidden in the Sand, known as the Sand Siblings, will be occasionally starring on this show as well. They are Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara. Unfortunately, Gaara is the well-known Kazekage of the Hidden in the Sand Village, so of course, his appearances will be very short and rare. The other two will siblings will visit more frequently, however, they had a mission to do today, so they could not attend the premier of Chat with Konoha 13... Okay, that's all for now.

(Neji shadily leaves the view of the Camera)

Tenten: Stop sulking, you did great! I mean, you could've been a little less serious and intimidating... and it didn't help you were staring at the camera like you were trying to split it in half with your eyes, but heh, you did great!

Sakura: Alright, that'll be it for now! Tune in for next time, on-

Everyone shouts in unison: _**Chat With Konoha 13**_!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the other characters mentioned in this fan fiction.

**Chapter 2: **

(The camera is turned on and zooms in on a sheepish looking Naruto, and excited looking Sakura, and a bored looking Sasuke. Basically, it's the usual way of the hosts of Chat With Konoha 13)

Naruto: (giggling sheepishly) Soooo... hehe... I hear that Gaara is the new hot item in the Sand Village.

Kiba: Huh. I never would have pinned him for a ladies' man kind of guy.

Tenten: Yeah, I heard he's one of the top in the list of most desirable shinobi among the ladies, next to Sasuke and Neji.

Ino: (slips hair) Well, don't ask me what they see in him. I don't know what's so attractive about that eyebrow-less rock.

Naruto: Wait, there's actually a list for that?! Where am I on that list then?!

Sasuke: (cockily) Hn, if you even are on that list, you're somewhere way down at the bottom.

(Naruto narrows his eyes at Sasuke, glaring at him)

Naruto: Yeah, yeah, enough about that, let's just get on with this and start the clip of those girls trying to flirt with Gaara! Although I have to say, I've never seen anything like it...

Sakura: That's because no girl flirts with you at all, period!

(Clip starts playing...)

Gaara is taking his usual stroll in the calm streets of his sand village, basking in the peace which overwhelmed him. Meanwhile, a group of Gaara's lovers (aka lovesick young girls with too much time on their hands) followed suit, tracking their amazing Kazekage. They wanted nothing more than to stare at his cool, handsome, eyebrow-less face all day; and his hairless facial features only made him so much more marvelous to drool over! However, the bubbles of these hopeless young girls had been popped when a rumor spread around town that on one of his recent afternoon nature walks, Gaara had stopped to assist an old lady carry her groceries back to her home. This meant some serious competition for the girls and they had to step up their game if they were to capture the attention of the totally oblivious Kazekage!

"I had no idea Gaara liked his ladies older!" a girl whisper exclaims. "He's so cool!"

"Alright, girls, here goes nothing!" another girl announces excitedly, before all of them yell in unison: "Transformation Jutsu!"

Suddenly, a group of old ladies hobble out of the corner of the street, conveniently happening to cross the road in front of the Kazekage, stopping him in his tracks.

Gaara raises an eyebrow in- oh, wait, he doesn't even have any! Well anyways, he pretends to lift an invisible brow at the aged women in front of him who try not to faint at the sight of his truly glorious face.

"Oh, our backs hurt so much..." one brave old lady shouts out in strain.

Next, the wrinkly, wobbly old women soon start harmonizing in agony, saying, "Ooohhh... aye... Oy... aaaahhhhh... yeeee..."

Playing along, Gaara smiled slightly at the women; that is, as much as his stony, stiff face could manage. Even a stunt like lifting the corners of his mouth still drained the life out of the depressing Kazekage! However, as the Kazekage, he felt that he a duty to try to help out the people of the Sand as much as he could, even if it was a group of old ladies desperate to get his attention. But Gaara would be lying to himself if he tells himself he doesn't find the situation to be odd.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Gaara kindly asked the hunch-backed women who looked at him as if they would faint at any second.

"Yes, yes... you could..." one old lady said mischievously, trying to hide a devilish grin behind her saggy face.

Another spoke up, saying," Yes, you could, my dear... we're so old now, you see... and oh our backs ache so much... it would be great if you could carry us all back to our homes..."

In the back, one of the old ladies hiccupped. Being less than 50 feet away from him-which was their usual stalking distance- surely was proving to be terribly nerve-wrecking. She felt the need to pinch herself and then pass out right there and then.

Meanwhile, Gaara tried to hide his shock as he widened his eyes and repeated disbelievingly, "You need me to carry all of you?"

One sassy old lady shouted out, "What, you trying to call us fat?!"  
Gaara widened his eyes even more, his usually expressionless face now looking worried. He shook his head in shame, not sure how to handle the awkward situation. Gaara was better at observing people, and at times, even going as far as unintentionally creeping them out by trying to make conversation with others. Being friendly or approachable really wasn't his forte.

As the old grannies nods happily at the idea of being given piggy-back rides from the great Kazekage himself, Gaara tries to think of a way to get out of this mess.

In the background, Gaara's siblings, Kankuro and Temari watch the whole thing unfold. Kankuro snickers at the sticky situation his little brother got himself into.

"Oh, would you look at that! Our Kazekage has turned out into quite the ladies' man!" he drawls, enjoying how the events are playing out against his brother very much. However, he is trying desperately to stop the laughter from flowing out of his mouth, resulting in a rather constipated looking face.

On the other hand, Temari finds the whole thing ridiculous. "Yeah, if you can call a guy being stalked by a group of annoying little girls a ladies' man.. TThat's pathetic to the point where it's too pathetic to even be called pathetic. I have half a mind to go knock some sense into those phony old bats right this instant."

While Temari contemplates on hurting the group of girls for harassing her little brother, Kankuro bursts out laughing, revealing their location to the Kazekage and the other ladies.

"Kankuro, you fool, quit laughing like an idiot, will you?!" Temari scolds angrily, trying to cover Kankuro's mouth, but it is already too late. They are caught hiding behind a building spying on their little brother, which turned out to be quite humiliating.

"Wha-what are you two doing here?" Gaara asks his siblings, looking choked yet embarrassed at the same time. But Kankuro hardly notices, as he is laughing so much it's a wonder how he didn't pee his pants already.

"What, what are you even talking about? We weren't spying you, if that's what you're suggesting!" Temari blabbers, flustered at the idea of being caught red-handed while they were practically stalking.

After finally recovering from his fit of chuckles and giggles, Kankuro says, "Oh, nothing. We were just simply admiring how you've been getting all the ladies lately, Gaara."

Kankuro smirked, knowing very well how much he is pushing Gaara's buttons.

"I've taught you well, brother," Kankuro smirks at Gaara, who stands there red as a kid who got caught sneaking around with his candy.

Temari simply rolls her eyes at her two brothers' impressively high levels of stupidity. "Oh, Gaara, when will you realize those wrinkly bats you're talking to-"

"Hey!" an offended lady yells out among the group, the others nodding in agreement.

"Ugh, Gaara, don't you see they're actually some pathetic posers dressed as old ladies so that they can get you to notice them?" Temari twitches her eyebrows n annoyance.

Unfortunately for her, Gaara is still oblivious to the whole situation, and fails to comprehend what his sister is trying to tell him. "What are you suggesting, Temari? That these women aren't actually who they say they are?"

Kankuro starts laughing again, finding his brother's reaction too funny. Eventually, his laughter causes his face to turn tomato red, and he passes out, still guffawing until the very end. Just like every older brother should when his little brother gets played by a group of young girls who managed to pull off a simple transformation jutsu and trick the _Kazekage_. It is a truly remarkable feat for the girls.

"I-I-we don't have any clue about what in tarnation you are talking about, young lady!" one old lady shouts out, completely flabbergasted at the accusation.

"Oh, please, save it, we all know who you are! So you can release your transformation jutsu, now," Temari commanded the girls, and upon realizing that she can be quite scary once irked, the old women quickly release their jutsu and are returned to their former selves; a group of ten young girls looking down at their feet in shame at what they had done to get the attention of their amazing Kazekage.

Gaara can only stare at the girls in shock, before managing to spit out, "Matsuri, is that you? Why would you transform into an older lady and try to trick me like that, along with your friends too? I don't follow."

Matsuri, a former student of Gaara, looked up at her sensei in guilt and regret; how embarrassing is this?  
"Talk about low and desperate," Temari murmurs, not amused.

Matsuri waves her arms in the air, frantically. "No, Lord Kazekage, it's not what it looks like! We... we were only practicing our transformation jutsu and checking how well it works by trying it on you!"

"Yeah, that's it, alright," Temari once again adds another sarcastic commentary, still not amused at all.

"But, Matsuri, you had mastered the transformation jutsu when you were still in the Academy..." Gaara explains to his former student, disappointed she would try to pull something silly like this.

Matsuri giggled nervously, and then yelled, "Girls, retreat!"

All the girls disappear with a puff of smoke, and Temari clicks her tongue.

"You're the Kazekage of the Sand Village, who can't see through a pathetic little transformation jutsu," Temari teases. "Oh, what will we do with you, Gaara?"

"I... I just had no idea... that Matsuri would do something as... strange, as this..."

Temari chuckles at how naive and young her brother still is, and has yet a lot to discover about girls.

"Temari... are all girls like that?" Gaara ponders. "Are they always so... strange?"

"Well, you tell me, I'm a girl, am I that strange?" Temari scoffs, knowing that she can never sink as low as those girls.

But instead of giving a proper answer, Gaara simply walks away, continuing his afternoon walk as if nothing happened at all. Temari stares at the back of her retreating brother, and wonders how a completely oblivious guy like him will ever get a girlfriend. That'll be a day to mark down in history, that's for sure.

"Haha, we all know how strange you are around that kid, Shikamaru," Kankuro teases, getting up from the ground he had so ungracefully passed out on while laughing his pants off.

"Oh, you idiot, you just don't know when to shut up, do you?!" Temari yells, and sends her brother flying away with a strong gust of wind.

"Don't deny it, you know you want him!" Kankuro teases from far away, and then he proceeds to run away before his enraged sister can catch up to him to strangle him.


End file.
